# Helping a budgie deal with separation



## LeiaV (May 15, 2014)

Hi everyone,

I don't think I've posted before but reading all the threads has been super helpful for learning about what is best for our budgie, named 'Blue'.

She's been with us (me and my husband) nearly two years and is quite tame now. We took our time, and always let her come to us. She has freeflight around the large living room when we are in the room. She's more close to me than my husband; but there's not much in it!

The problem is...I have left my husband, four weeks ago. I now live 300 miles away and I will not be moving back.

Blue stayed with my husband and I'm told she's doing ok. But of course, she is in her cage all day now, with freeflight as soon as he gets home from work. Which can be late at night sometimes.

This is far from ideal, but if she came to live with me, I think a 300 mile journey will stress Blue to point of killing her. And I am living out of a suitcase, sleping on my friends sofa, so I can't give Blue any kind of safety or stability in the foreseeable future. So I think she is best off staying in the only home she's known, with one of the humans she knows best.

By now, four weeks after I disappeared fom her life, I imagine she has got used to me not being there any more. I'm sure she missed me at first. And I miss her so much.

I will have to go back to the family home soon, to retrieve personal effects and paperwork. Maybe I'll have to pop in once every couple of months until the house is sold.

So, finally, here is my question...

When I visit for 24 hrs -is it better for Blue - to not see me/hear me/sense my presence at all now?

Or when I visit for 24 hrs - is it better for Blue - to spend a day or two with me, but then have to have me disappear again for months?

Neither is ideal; I guess I'm asking which is the least cruel for her?

I'm feeling that to not see her, and not remind her about me, is the kindest thing for her. 
But I really want to know what other people think? 
Maybe someone else had a similar experience? 
All suggestions are very welcome, thank you so much


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## philw (Aug 22, 2014)

It's sad that this is happening to you, but can empathize with your concern for Blue in how you're feeling. For now the change for Blue is less than your changes. Birds as just less flexible about what's safe, but for now she's probably better staying with your husband. If she's getting attention from him, even without your presence, she'll be ok. Once you are more settled where you are living, traveling 300 miles to a new home, to be with you is not a safety issue for her, and a healthier life for both Blue and you. A visit may give you a lift. A small TV on during the day may be helpful for her while you're not present.


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## JRS (Sep 3, 2016)

Hi Leia
So sorry to hear that you’re having to deal with such an upheaval.

With regards to Blue, I think that they are a lot more emotionally resilient than we expect and that she’ll cope with the reduction of ‘her flock’ from 3 to 2, much easier than the loss of time spent with her flock. That being said, I think you’ve made the right decision to leave Blue with your husband. He can help her during the working day by leaving a radio playing and adding/swapping around a variety of different toys for her to entertain herself with.
With regards to whether you should stay out of sight when you go back, I really wouldn’t add that extra concern into things. She can see you and I’m sure you’ll be happy to spend a little time with her. What I wouldn’t do, is give her the period of attention that she used to have when you were there previously: Help her readjust to her new routine of more solitary cage time. 

Wishing you both well for a speedy an amicable separation, I’m sure it must be very stressful for you.
Here’s a nice quote:
“A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because her trust is not on the branch but on it’s own wings.”
...though it is helpful to have good friends with a spare settee too! 

Best of luck!


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## StarlingWings (Mar 15, 2013)

Hi there and :welcome: to the forums!!

I'm sorry about your situation, it can be very stressful for everyone involved. You've been given good advice on Blue's particular situation; I agree that it's fine for her to stay with your husband. She will adjust to the change in her flock and will be happier in an environment she knows already. As long as he spends plenty of time with her when he gets back from work, she'll be fine with the change in routine. My girl stays home for several hours by herself with a radio on and we spend time with her when we return from work, and she's fine with that. 

It's good of you to join us! Be sure to read through the budgie articles and "stickies"(threads "stuck" to the top of each subforum for easy reference) on the forums to be sure you're up to date on the very best of budgie care practices. If you have any questions, please be sure to ask as we'd love to help! 

Cheers! 

:wave:


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## LeiaV (May 15, 2014)

Hi Philw, JRS and Starling Wings 

Thank you so much for your advice, and your kind words too.

Your suggestions make a lot of sense and I'll be acting on them, especially not giving Blue as much attention when I go back there one day. She will be used to the new way of things by then; it makes perfect sense to not influence her new routine. I would not have thought of it that way but you are right.

Blue has always had the radio on quietly if there's no-one in the room or no-one at home. My husband loves budgies too, so they already have a good relationship - that hopefully can grow stronger.

I feel reassured by all your words, that Blue is/will cope with this. Probably better than me! This is such a great forum, so informative, friendly and supportive.

Thanks all 

LeiaV


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