# Scared & on edge after mate passed away



## myersljennifer (Nov 29, 2015)

My budgie, Kiwi, lost his mate, Skye, 5 months ago - they were together for 4 years. It's still very hard on me, so I try not to think about it. But, my budgie, Kiwi, has had consistent skittish behavior ever since Skye passed away.

He is very mobile, talkative, eats / drinks, *sometimes* wants to play or visit with me when I don't have treats for him; I spend about 4 hours daily engaging with him regardless. But he is often on edge, and gets very scared from a noise or even just randomly, and especially at night. His heart rate is very high at night. He actually will rarely have thrashing, but he's always running high heart rate. 

I try so hard to calm him, help him, be understanding, love him, be gentle but nothing seems to work. I do plan on getting him a new friend (within the next month), but need to arrange a few things first. He has a fake bird toy that he's constantly sleeping by and kissing / playing with every day. 

I thought I'd ask, if anybody has experience with this, or any clues as to what else I may be able to do for him? 

Thank you.

I should be clearer:

He has never been skittish, VERY dominant and sassy, and he still is. But throughout the day, anything can set him off. Also, he stopped going outside of his cage after her passing (he has a huge, wide cage luckily), and recently venture out only 2 months ago.


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## aluz (Jul 24, 2011)

I'm very sorry for everything you have been going through...
Unfortunately, some pet birds just aren't able to cope well and to adapt to the new reality after the loss of a mate, and this is despite all of our efforts in trying to make up for it and in trying to take the place of the lost mate. 

From my experience, it's usually the birds who have more of a shy and nervous personality, the ones who suffer the most because they no longer have the comfort, support and protection of their same species mate.
And in these cases, the best thing to do for the overall mental health and happiness of the lone budgie is to really get a new budgie. 
Before choosing this potential new friend, it's important to take some time and pay attention to the overall behaviour and way this budgie interacts with the others (if shares food/toys well with others, preens or kisses a budgie friend, etc). This can ultimately make a difference and the goal would be to get a budgie who has a sweet temperament and good personality. 

Did your Skye pass suddenly without showing any prior signs of illness?
I don't know if your Kiwi was seen by the avian vet after his mate's passing or not, but it's good that very soon you will be taking him, so that you have a better idea on his overall health and to the address the balancing issue.

Back in January, one of my budgie boys, Carioca also lost her mate, Mona and she passed very unexpectedly, most likely from a heart attack.
The way he mourned was by being angry and acting out (he has always been more intense and slightly dominant to the other male budgies, and is sweeter and more flirtatious to the females). Carioca screeched loudly and then the flock calls would follow. 
From the first weeks, I knew he wasn't coping well, I took him to the vet to have all testing done to rule out illnesses (since his mate died and I wanted some peace of mind and to take him out of quarantine sooner). As soon as he got the all clear from the vet I started to let him have out of cage time with a couple of his budgie flock mates. 
Over time, I had to make a slight change in the housing situation and I placed one of my sweetest budgie girls with him. From that moment on, my mourning boy's temper was back to normal, happiness returned and all was (and continues to be) well. 

I'm wishing you and Kiwi all the best.


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## myersljennifer (Nov 29, 2015)

aluz said:


> I'm very sorry for everything you have been going through...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Wow, so nice to hear your story! That's so sweet you gave him a female companion, and now he's happy.

Skye was sick with a tumor. She was a very skittish budgie always, very mellow (but not friendly), she never liked her veggies, unfortunately.

Kiwi is very dominant, he guided Skye through life. He's friendly, but controlling. He hasn't aquatinted himself with any budgie's, I don't have any others. I will try to seek out a mellow mannered, but energetic budgie.

Thank you for your sentiments.


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## Teddscau (Jun 27, 2012)

When my Sam died, Samantha fell into a deep depression. She'd just stare blankly for hours on end, and it was almost as if she no longer had any reason to live. We got her a new friend, and she was back to her old self again. Sadly, he died less than a year later. Long story short, we have a flock of eight now, because of her .

I'd definitely get Kiwi another friend, but make sure you quarantine the new guy in a separate room for at least four weeks before introducing them to each other. Oh, and may I suggest getting him a friend from a shelter or rescue? I got Ziggy and Alice off of kijiji as rescues (Ziggy had been found flying loose in a restaurant and Alice had been rescued from an animal hoarder), and we drove four hours to get Rumi, Lara, and Pollo from the Toronto Humane Society. They are wonderful little guys, and I couldn't be happier.


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## shanebudgie (Feb 5, 2016)

I'm so sorry for your loss.sending you comforting prayers in your time of need.we're here if you need us.blessings


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## myersljennifer (Nov 29, 2015)

Teddscau said:


> When my Sam died, Samantha fell into a deep depression. She'd just stare blankly for hours on end, and it was almost as if she no longer had any reason to live. We got her a new friend, and she was back to her old self again. Sadly, he died less than a year later. Long story short, we have a flock of eight now, because of her
> 
> 
> 
> ...


So sorry to hear of your budgies depression and secondary loss. It's so hard to get through. Just curious, does your budgie bond with more than one of your flock? I thought about adopting / taking in more than one budgie, but I'm not sure it's best for bonding with Kiwi and with me. Btw yes, I prefer adoption or rescue, if possible. I really want to get a male baby so I can train him and so Kiwi doesn't breed. Thanks for the quarantine tip, although thankfully I am aware.


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## myersljennifer (Nov 29, 2015)

shanebudgie said:


> I'm so sorry for your loss.sending you comforting prayers in your time of need.we're here if you need us.blessings


You're so kind, we will be alright. The hardest times are past us now. Thank you. <3


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