# I don't know what to do



## CalypsoFreebird

First post sadly. I've had my bird almost a year. She hasn't bonded with me, she doesn't want anything to do with me. I talk to her every day, try to get her to perch and it's getting progressively worse. Today I am trying to hard to not give bad vibes to her but I am tired of trying to get her to even like me when she literally hates me. It's my first bird, I've never had dogs to train, only cats, so feeding and cleaning and spending time is all I know what to do. I've been nice, I haven't grabbed at her since I got her a year ago and she still hates my hands. I don't know what to do I am crying in my bathroom, I feel cruel for not being a good owner to know what it is that is wrong.

More backstory, I keep her in my room.. I have a small apartment and my roommate both smokes and cooks chicken for her dog daily, so with the lack of air flow I need to keep her in a different room. I am in school but I make sure two hours in the morning I open her cage and talk to her and all evening 3 hours until she goes to bed at 8 I spend time with her. While I am gone I alternate music videos and other youtube videos so it's not silent.. usually I am gone for two or three hours, come home and let her out, leave again a few hours, then come home. The longest I am gone is 7 hours, but like I said I make sure I spend extra time with her before and after. I never ever stay the night anywhere, and she gets a full 12 hours of darkness. I don't have the room for an extra bird. I can't quarantine it because I literally have nowhere to keep it separate, so that is not an option for the time until I move next year. 

She is molting right now and her cere recently darkened. If you think this is significant please let me know how to comfort her. She was very small when I got her, I think she is only over a year old now and still quite petite. 

Is there a way to neutralize our relationship so I can slowly rebuild her trust again? Do I leave her alone for a few weeks and not interact with her except when feeding and cleaning? Should I keep her food out of the cage at night to distinguish a schedule? I'll still be in my room doing my thing so do I just let her be for a bit before I try approaching her? Any and all opinions and advice are welcome. I love this site it has helped me before but our relationship peaked in June and has just shot downhill


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## Budget baby

Hello firstly I have merged both of your posts to form one.
Please don't feel like you are a failure, their is no need for tears.
Having a hen budgie I sometimes harder to form a friendship with as hens can be more reserved. Not all hens are like this but it sounds like your little girl is of this nature.
Does she have a mirror or shiny bell that she is very bonded to ?
What method's have you tried so far? 
Most people start of by sitting next to the cage and reading out loud or simply talking to their budgie. Does she get out of cage time at all?
Here are a few links that might help .

http://talkbudgies.com/budgie-behavior/295193-reading-budgie-signs.html
http://talkbudgies.com/training-bonding/268281-suggestions-help-you-bond-new-budgie.html
http://talkbudgies.com/training-bonding/237105-using-positive-reinforcement-training.html
http://talkbudgies.com/artticles-budgie-training-bonding/103910-clicker-training.html
http://talkbudgies.com/budgie-behavior/297369-frustrated-budgie-behavior-please-read-thread.html


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## CalypsoFreebird

I forgot to add, she bit my face up a little too hard, then my hands.. set me over a little. 
She used to have mirrors then I read and was told to get rid of them. Now she has a little shiny disco ball and a plastic toy with 4 small bells. She will get near the metal washers and screws that hold on her perches. 
I've tried using millet and voice commands, it worked for a while and she will fly to me with the millet but will now bite and attack my hand when it is gone. She will screech at my hand without millet and fly away. With millet she will go for it. 
I talk to her, sing to her, read to her. My room is small so I'm next to her no matter what. 
She gets daily flight time. I can get her in and out of the cage. She sometimes flies and lands on my head but not for the last few weeks.

The budgie signs link was helpful, I know most of those.. however one thing, she is a recessive pied greywing so her eyes are black, I wish I could see her pupils and discern what her emotions are better  

The last one, omg I didn't think about the fact she is an angsty teen..... that really gives me a new perspective. 

Reading through the others now thank you for your post


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## Budget baby

IS she or has she been in condition, hens often have a change of attitude when in condition or going through a moult can cause these type of behaviours as well. Perhaps you can use another source of food for training or try the clicker method.
She perhaps needs some shredding toys, hens usually love these sitting next to the shiny objects shows she is lonely and needs some sort of companionship or interaction. How does she respond to music, budgie sounds on you tube?
All budgies do have their own personalities and traits in saying this don't give up on her, The best time to try training is in the morning, not at night time when she is sleepy or starting to get settled.


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## CalypsoFreebird

I'm not sure what being in condition is. 
I read about the clicker method and I think that might be my next step to do. 
She has many shredding toys that she doesn't touch, but I'll move them. 
She likes music and budgie sounds


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## soupandbananas

A budgie In condition means It is getting ready to breed. With females, the cere will darken noticeably, like you mentioned above. I'm not super experienced but I have been reading a TON over the past two months. Just thought that might be helpful.


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## jrook

Hi... not sure if this will be helpful to you, but.. I have a 'funny' hen not totally unlike yours. Lemony, who is also recessive pied with the dark eyes, gives me what I call the 'stink eye' most every day. I tried to get her out of the cage today and she bit me.. hard. . She loves being off by herself... even to the point of going to a small cage I have in their room. I guess the point is, she isn't real social. Some days she is sort of friendly, but usually not. She doesn't ever land on me, but she does fly bys and 'clips me' sometimes.
Also, she is crabbiest when she is in condition... which, unfortunately for me, is most of the time. 
I wish there was a way for you to consider a friend for her, but I know it isn't possible right now.
With Lemony, I just keep trying. I try really hard not to personalize it.. I just keep offering little treats (sometimes she'll accept them, sometimes not).
I like it that you are hanging in there with your little hen. They can be so challenging at times, can't they? Who knew?


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## CalypsoFreebird

Soupandbananas yes that sounds like her, is been in the past month that it has changed. OK there is something for me to look up now thank you. 

Jrook you are very helpful... I do have to stop taking it personally. Calypso is just so cute it makes me sad to see her like this. I never knew it would be so hard. I am happy that you understand Lemony it really helps to hear your perspective. My bitty sounds very similar. Even with birds she likes to be alone? She must like watching and taking it all in. 

It is reassuring to hear being in condition is a big factor, I have had it mentioned in my readings and research over the past year but since her nose has been pink until now I haven't even given it a thought.

Update for today: I moved her cage to the wall in the side of the room, I had it closer to my door so I could let her see the dog in the living room (she loves the dog, she lets him lick and sniff her).. she is actually shredding her shredding toy, which she was not doing before, so I hope she can get a little of that need to nip and tear out.. looking a little more active today. I am going to order a clicker to start that training next week or the week after, it sounds exactly like something she would enjoy.. she is quite clever. Going to go spend the afternoon reading to her but not letting her out of the cage for a day or two just so I don't startle her opening it... have accidentally kicked the cage twice today already  

Thanks for the posts so far you all are awesome.. will try to get a pic of my baby girl up


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## Tea4Two

So sorry to hear you feel ignored. I have a male and a female. I aways wanted only males but my youngest turned out to be a he instead of a she even though the store said it was a he. The male is friendly with me but she is not very- even with him. He goes after her all day long but she only plays when she wants. Then he is happy. She is getting a little friendlier with me - starting to chirp and look at me but it's taking time- almost a year now, but there is improvement. So I wish the same for you. Can understand how discouraging it can be!


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## Jonah

I agree with what the others have posted. Some of our feathered friends take a lot longer, and may never completely trust us. My bird's all seem to have come to trust me, but I do have a hen who steers clear of me unless I have treat's, and even then she appears nervous.


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## StarlingWings

Hello and welcome to the forums! :wave: 

I agree with all the advice given and hope that Calypso settles after a while, hens can be very difficult sometimes. 

Best wishes, I can imagine how frustrating this is for you :hug: 

Can't wait to see pictures of your girl, and feel free to ask about anything you're unsure of as we'd love to help!


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## ButterflyLordet

They are generally grumpier when moulting so I wouldnt worry about the "progressively worse" thing! 
She may just be a rogue budgie! Out of 7 Ive owned, I have managed to tame 6 within days of having them, even some terrified rescues! But I tried for months with a particular girl and she was having none of it, I learnt to accept it and let her have the other 6 to bond with rather than bonding with me and she's perfectly happy  
Could you get her a buddy? She might tame down a bit with a friend, and even if she doesn't then you could bond with the buddy, and she'll have someone to play with!


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## CalypsoFreebird

I wish I could but with my living situation I can't have a second bird. I don't have space for a second cage or another room to quarantine it for 30 days. This is the only thing stopping me. 

Little update, though. I moved her cage to an opposite wall and she seems happier. She had a shredding toy that she hadn't touched for months and it is almost gone. I had one day where she was very sweet and sitting on my hand talking to me. Another day she flew into my bathroom and scared herself, when u picked her up she was kissing my hand while I consoled her. I've been just stepping back, making sure to interact when she is feeling noisy, and letting her do her thing when she is occupied with her toys. All of the advice here has helped so much. I know my attitude and the vibes I am giving her are much more positive, and that's the most important thing. The person who said she was like an angsty teenager was not lying!


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## mexicoandice

Don't feel like your budgie hates you, some budgies take a long time to bond, and some never perfectly bond at all! Keep trying.


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