# I can't bond with my budgies



## HeatherMc (Sep 10, 2021)

I've had my two female budgies, Mochi and Chimmy, since September 2021. I've tried everything the YouTubers and blog posts say, and no matter what I do, I can't seem to get them to trust me.

I got them from Petco, so I knew I needed to tame them myself. Unfortunately, they haven't responded to my attempts to tame them. They know that I'm the one who feeds them and keeps their cage clean, but I can't get them to warm up to me beyond that. They've also shown no interest in leaving their cage. If I put my hand in the cage with seeds in it, they'll eat from it...but not all the time. Only when they feel like it. The rest of the time, they either fly away or ignore me completely.

I've tried everything I can think of to bond with my budgies, and nothing is working. I want to give them the life they deserve, but aside from food, they don't seem to want anything to do with me. What can I do? Please help!


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## FaeryBee (May 9, 2011)

*Not all budgies want to "bond" with the human who cares for them.
It sounds as if Mochi and Chimmy fall into that category.

Additionally, not all budgies like to leave the safety of their cage. How big is the cage you have them in? Length, Width and Height?

Enjoy your birds for who and what they are. Take pleasure in watching them play and interact together rather than stressing about trying to tame and/or bond with them.
Birds are not like dogs and cats. Birds quite often prefer the company of their own species over human companionship.

Provide them with everything they need for their optimal health and well-being and you can consider yourself to be a good budgie parent.*


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## StarlingWings (Mar 15, 2013)

Great advice above. Mochi and Chimmy may be budgies who prefer their own company, which is perfectly natural and normal. Additionally, they may just need a lot of time to accept you into their flock, so even if now it seems that they don't trust you, if you just stop focusing on taming them and change your focus to becoming a part of their flock than even if they don't want to spend all their time with you, in the future, they will be more comfortable around you. The important thing is to not pressure them in any way and just enjoy spending as much time sitting with them or talking to them as you can. Eventually they will warm up to that


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## ChickWas (May 6, 2021)

The part where FaeryBee said to love them for who they are struck home. I raised my two from babies, and the first 6-8 months of their life was what I 'wanted' from my pet budgies: they were cuddly, and were always happily sat on my shoulder sleeping, or preening my hair, or just being altogether adorable. Then puberty hit, they've both not been the same since. 

They're fiercely independent, prefer their own time, and when they are with me, it's usually to assert dominance rather than to cuddle. It's now a rare occurrence where one will want to sit on my shoulder and relax. Usually they just fly over to check me out, give me a bite or peck, and then go off and do their own thing. Out of my two budgies, one has completely lost all interest in me. She no longer sits with me and doesn't like stepping up anymore. I think deep down they both still like me, but in their own hormonal ways.

It's heartbreaking, sure. And I miss them dearly, and I still love them so much. But I've started to realise I can never mould them into what I want, I just have to accept them for who and how they are. Before, I used to be happy spending time with them. Nowadays, I don't get much happiness from being with them because they're not that interested, my happiness comes from seeing them happy in their own little worlds.

That's just the mindset you have to adopt. Seeing them happy is enough to make me happy. It also makes the rare moments where they want to do something with me all the more cherishable.


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## HeatherMc (Sep 10, 2021)

Thanks, everyone. As long as they're happy, it's okay with me. And they do seem like they're content. They get a healthy diet and fresh water, and they have plenty of toys. They also chatter a lot, and I don't think they would do that if they weren't happy. I'm honestly happy just to be around them.

I do have one concern about training them, however. I'm worried that if I ever need to take them to the vet, I won't be able to get them out of their cage without grabbing them, and it would kill me to have to do that. They're in great health so far, but anything can happen. I just want to make sure I'm able to get them to the vet in case anything unthinkable should happen, that's all.


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## srirachaseahawk (Sep 5, 2021)

Valid point about getting them comfortable with you enough to move them to a travel cage.

Give this a go and see how well they do...

Start by resting your hand on the outside of the cage for 5-10 minutes a few times a day. Talk to them as you do this, in a quiet and steady voice. Read something to them if you like 


After a week or two of this, you can move to just placing your hand "in" the cage. You can use their behavior as a judge on this one. If they actively retreat from your hand, even when it’s on the outside of the cage; they aren’t ready for you to go to the next step. Once they start to essentially “ignore” your hand, then you can move on.

The next step is to put your hand in the cage. Don't touch them, go near them or even move. Just rest it there for the same 5-10 minutes a few times a day and continue with the quiet, steady speech.

Your bird(s) will eventually begin to acclimate to you and slowly move up to investigating your hand. Then you can work on treat placement in the hand to see if you can then lure them to step on it to eat from it (again without moving).


And then you go from there!









This could take weeks, or even months, of work and is entirely up to the bird. You may get lucky and have a very outgoing animal that tames in a short period of time, or you may have a more timid creature on your hand that requires a lot more from you.
Birds require far more patience with training than dogs and cats do. They all know instinctively that they are "prey items" and we are basically asking them to ignore that natural response when confronted by a larger predator (you).


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